How to Be an Ally to Your Marginalized Friends
Are you a straight, cisgendered, able-bodied, socioeconomically privileged person looking to be a better ally? Then this blog post is for you! Here at Space to Reflect, we are here to “call in,” not “call out.” The fight for equality and fair treatment for all requires all of us to lean in and explore ways to better ourselves so we can be better for others!
Explore your privilege.
Before turning your efforts outwards in supporting minoritized communities, doing some inner work is vital. A lot of harm can be done when a well-intentioned person who hasn’t examined their own power, privilege and background tries to champion causes and people that they may be unintentionally harming.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself or explore with your therapist to better understand your privilege positioning:
How has your body-type, ability, and skin-color affected your received opportunities, accomplishment, and accolades?
In what ways has your privilege unintentionally and intentionally caused harm to others?
In what ways has your family and ancestors unintentionally and intentionally caused harm to others?
Whose land do you live on?
What are the backgrounds of the people you surround yourself with?
When was the last time you felt othered and why?
When was the last time you felt like you belonged and why?
2. Educate yourself.
Your minoritized friends are tired of explaining themselves to you. So pick up a book! Listen to a podcast! Follow minoritized creators who professionally educate on issues of race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, etc. for a living. If your friend mentions a political moment you are not familiar with or a historical event that impacted them and their family, do your own work to learn about these things. Please do not ask your friend to explain these things to you unless they express a desire to do so. If you are interested in learning about your friend’s personal experience regarding an “ism” or how something in the past has directly impacted them and their families, ask respectfully and give your friend a very clear out if they do not want to talk about it. Your minoritized friends live these harmful experiences on a day to day basis and may not want to discuss their trauma and hardships with you. Please let them know that there is no pressure to respond to your questions about their experiences but if they ever want to talk, you want to provide an open and brave space for them.
3. Actively listen.
If you and your minoritized friend do start to engage in a discussion regarding their experiences, actively listen to them. This may look like validating their experiences, keeping a contrarian opinion to yourself until you have personal time to reflect on this opinion, maintaining open body language, and not interrupting them as they speak. As a privileged person, your voice has been heard a countless number of times and because of this power, you have the opportunity to raise oppressed voices by creating space for your minoritized friends to speak up and out. Want more support? Schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation today to work with one of our therapists.