Ways we Already Set Boundaries
From our series on boundaries so far, we’ve learned the different ways they can show up in our lives and why it’s challenging to set and apply them. ( See What are Unhealthy Boundaries? and Why We Struggle to Set Boundaries )
Having boundaries that are healthy and intentional gives us clarity in our lives. When we are clear about our space, time, and energy we have more room to explore our wants, needs, and desires. Healthy boundaries promote growth and taking charge of our lives.
Oftentimes, people are setting boundaries in their day-to-day and don’t realize they are doing so. Below is a list of examples of boundary-setting you might already be doing:
Setting reminders/alarms to leave your home at a certain time. This is a boundary that intends to help you prepare to leave and clarifies your time and energy.
Setting + using a passcode on your personal devices. This is a boundary that intends to protect your privacy and clarifies the accessibility to your personal device.
Letting people know your availability when making plans. This is a boundary that intends to clarify your availability and helps you to prepare for your time spent with others.
It’s important for us to remember and appreciate what we’re already doing to make our lives easier. They may seem small, but they play crucial roles in our lives. Setting new boundaries can seem daunting but as we communicate what they are to ourselves and others, their influence will show us how we’ve grown and made our lives more balanced.
How do we set boundaries?
When others ask you to an event that you are not interested in going to:
“Thanks for the invite, I’m not free then. I hope you have a good time.”
When someone asks you to hangout and you’re low on energy and want alone time:
“Thanks for thinking of me, I’m not available then. I’m open to another time, I’m free (Days of week) around (time of day), what other times would work for you?”
When others ask you for a favor and you are not able to/or want to do it:
“I can’t do that right now.”
When others ask you to do something you don’t want to do:
“I’m not comfortable with that. I can do my own thing over here while you/you all do that.”
When (any of the situations mentioned above):
“No.” This is a perfectly acceptable answer but can also take time to get comfortable just saying no. So be gentle with youself!
Saying “no” is challenging and tends to bring up awkward and guilty feelings if we’re used to saying “yes” regardless of how we actually feel. We often are left feeling drained and overlooked when we say “yes” to things we actually wanted to say “no” to. Those feelings are communicating our needs and desires so it’s important to prioritize them and in turn ourselves. Setting boundaries is tricky at first and with the help of our team, it tends to get easier and helps you to live your life on your terms.