Maintaining Boundaries in a Relationship
Boundaries can be tricky to navigate when it comes to romantic relationships. We are told to be there for our loved ones not matter what but we also know that this is a recipe for burn out and resentment.
What are good boundaries to set in a relationship?
Let’s first identify common boundaries that get crossed in relationships.
Emotional boundaries: You feel your partner is relying on you too much emotionally and it is exhausting.
Sexual boundaries: You feel forced to have sex or your partner guilts you iinto having sex.
Time Boundaries: Your partner has access to you at all times and there is no privacy or room for individuality.
Intellectual Boundaries: You partner makes you feel small or dismisses your thoughts and ideas.
These are just a few examples of how boundaries are crossed in romantic relationships.
How do you set boundaries in a relationship?
Have an open conversation with your partner about what you feel has been going well in the relationship. This sets the tone for your partner to be able to hear other types of feedback. Then share what has been bothering you from your standpoint.
For example, “I love catching up when you get home after work. When you tell me about your day when I am still finishing up work, I feel overwhelmed because I cannot be a good listener for you and also cannot concentrate at work. I need you to wait for me to be done before jumping into the details of your day.
Normalize having boundaries in relationships. Read about Ways we Already Set Boundaries for examples.
Have an honest conversation about your needs and be open to hearing your partner’s needs in this relationship.
For example, you can tell your partner that sometimes you are not in the mood to have sex but that does not mean you no longer love them or don’t feel attracted to them. You can tell your partner ways that would help set the mood.
Remember that we are always changing as people and our wants and needs change as well. This conversation around boundaries needs to be ongoing with room for flexibilty and changed minds.
Remind yourselves that boundaries are meant to strengthen relationships. When we operate from a place of rest and reassurance and safety, everyone benefits.