How Stay-at-Home Moms can Cope with Depression
Stay-at-home mothers (SAHM) make up around 8% of the population of parents. The percentages have been rising since the pandemic. SAHM depression is common but there's a stigma around talking about it. The causes of it vary and can show up due to a number of factors.
Why is being a stay at home mom so exhuasting?
Lack of support
Carrying family’s mental load
Isolation from peers, loved ones, etc.
Loss of identity outside of being a mom
Overwhelming household and childcare duties
Lack of time for mother’s self-care/time for themselves
Many SAHM share they feel misunderstood due to external messages that minimize the amount of work they do day-to-day. There’s a perception that SAHM don’t do any real work or just play with their kids all day, which is not the case at all. This narrative creates feelings of guilt for mom’s who are experiencing depression. It invalidates their experience and their efforts throughout the day. The roles and responsibilities of SAHM oftentimes can be overwhelming and deserves to be talked about in a non-judgemental way.
SAHM’s responsibilities may look like:
Organizational duties (scheduling appointments, activities, etc)
Cooking family meals (breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, etc)
Cleaning the house (laundry, dishes, upkeep of home, etc)
Child care (teaching, overseeing, feeding, cleaning, disciplining, etc)
Running errands (grocery shopping, medical appointments, activities for kids, etc)
These duties usually are done by the mother alone, who may be dealing with an emergency, a tantrum, and other distractions that they can not account for ahead of time. These interruptions can result in an incompleteness of tasks, leaving the mother feeling defeated or like they aren’t doing enough. In addition, there may be pressure coming from their partners who assume moms have enough time, when in fact, they may not have enough time.
How does being a stay at home mom affect mental health?
Mothers often struggle with being in the routine of things because of its repetitiveness and lack of fulfillment. This can contribute to feelings of boredom and lack of interest in daily tasks which makes it hard to keep up with. Many SAHM experience guilt around needing help and meeting expectations of others.
It’s reported that SAHM’s express their guilt with subscribing to “shoulds” such as:
“I shouldn’t feel like this is so hard”
“I should have it all together like other moms do.”
“I should be more grateful.”
“I should want to be with my kids all of the time.”
“I should enjoy being a mom at all times.”
“I should be happier.”
“I should put my kids before me.”
“I should do it all on my own.”
These narratives tend to prevent moms from asking for help, and instead they suffer in silence trying to keep everything together which can lead to symptoms of depression among SAHM.
What are symptoms of SAHM Depression:
Loss of energy & motivation → not wanting to do anything, doing anything feels hard
Feeling overwhelmed → feeling like it’s all too much, difficult to manage or cope
Changes in appetite → loss in appetite or an increase in appetite
Trouble sleeping → when overwhelming feelings such as anxiety, worry, or sadness make it difficult to fall/stay asleep
Mom rage → frequent yelling, rage, or irritability when communicating with others
Mom guilt → feeling guilty for wanting to prioritize their own needs/wants
Burnout → chronic stress leading to feeling detached, numb, and at times apathetic
How can stay at home moms cope with postpartum symptoms?
Move your body - walking, dancing, stretching etc
Spend time outside and get some sun rays on your skin
Spend time with other mothers/parents (check out these resources: https://www.mops.org, https://momsclub.org, or search for local groups on social media)
Build a self-care plan (to start: write down what you’d like to do more of and what you need more of)
Let go of mom guilt and the “shoulds” mentioned above -- know that you are not alone in your experience and you deserve to be cared for too!
Mental Health Support for New Parents
Being a SAHM is a full time job with countless responsibilities. It’s important for mothers to check in and take care of themselves in order to take care of everything else. There are high expectations, the tasks can feel endless, and at times can feel like a burden. Mothers deserve more appreciation and acknowledgment for all that they do. Friends and families can practice being more mindful of mom's mental health and remind them that it’s okay to ask for help and that they are not alone.