Why Couples Fight after Vacation
Are vacations stressful for couples?
Taking a trip with your partner can be a fun way to connect with one another. A vacation is a time where people want to do things they don’t normally do. Couples who travel together can learn new things about each other that sometimes cause conflict.
Why do couples fight after vacation?
Learning the living habits of one another.
If you and your partner don’t already live together, vacations can be a form of testing the waters of living together. Oftentimes couples share a space on vacation and learn things about their partner they didn’t know before. The things they learn can be a source of connection and excitement. There are also things that may be conflicting with one another's way of doing things.
Examples:
Bathroom habits (leaving the toilet seat up, leaving top off the toothpaste, not replacing the toilet paper, etc.)
Cleaning habits (not picking up after oneself, making the bed, etc)
Acts of service (helping with cleaning and planning)
Disagreements on what to do on vacation.
Planning what to do on a trip is a lot of work and sometimes there’s compromises on what to do. One partner may want to do things that are adventurous while the other wants to do things that are relaxing. The differences of what is wanted can be worked through with communication and compromising.
Examples:
Planning vs. being spontaneous
Money management on the trip
Time management on the trip (night owl vs. early bird)
Unexpected situations.
Hiccups in travel plans can show how one another handles these types of situations.
Examples:
Flight delays
Misplaced luggage
Language barriers
How does this lead to fighting?
A lot of these things mentioned above can show a side of your partner in a different way. It can be hard to get out a routine and include someone else’s lifestyle into yours. When couples come home after vacation they see their partner differently and can lead to fighting or distance. After a trip, couples may find it hard to adjust to their normal routines which can also cause frustration.
How can couples communicate better on vacation?
Communication is key here. Try to understand that your partner comes from different backgrounds and in order to work sometimes means compromise. Something to think about:
What is important to you?
What are your non-negotiables?
How can you communicate with your partner about your frustrations in a healthy way?
Whether on vacation or not, you might be noticing communication issues in your relationship. Our culturally competent couples therapists can help you figure out what is normal fighting and what are serious issues in your relationship.