What’s the Connection Between Male Depression and Emotional Affairs?

An emotional affair can drastically affect the trust between you and your partner. A willingness to engage in an emotional affair is not restricted by gender. Both men and women make this mistake in relationships. However, for some men, struggles with depression can be connected to the start of an emotional affair.

It is important to note that suffering from a mental health condition like depression is not an excuse for having an emotional affair. But when people understand the mindset of someone who makes this mistake, they can take steps in their own relationships to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Here’s why men can be more susceptible to emotional affairs when they are suffering from depression.

Fears Around Vulnerability

Lots of men are worried about opening up to the people in their lives when they are struggling with their mental health. A man who is feeling depressed might be nervous about telling his partner out of fear that it will make him seem weak or less “masculine.” This can be especially true if the man is the primary breadwinner for his household.

A supportive partner will want to help. But men may feel like they need to hide these issues from their wives and families. Therefore, opening up to someone in the context of an emotional affair can feel “safer” simply because they aren’t as close.

Pinning Depression On The Relationship

When someone is dealing with mental health issues while in a relationship, they might be tempted to place the blame for their symptoms solely on their relationship. It is true that remaining in a toxic or abusive relationship can cause or contribute to depression. But depression can also develop seemingly out of nowhere. There is not always one clear, specific “cause.” However, a man who assumes that his relationship is the source of his depression might pursue an emotional affair before breaking things off.

Seeking A Temporary Escape

Sometimes, the day-to-day responsibilities of adulthood can feel like a never-ending grind. Dealing with marital problems, keeping up with a full-time job, caring for children and elderly relatives, and managing home maintenance can all take a toll on one’s mental health. Shouldering all of these obligations with little time for yourself can contribute to burnout and depression.

An emotional affair can represent an escape from these daily routines. This does not justify an emotional affair, and ultimately, it is always unfair to the partner who is kept in the dark about the nature of the friendship. Ultimately, the burnout that many people face due to the stressors of adulthood is much better handled by turning to your partner for support.

Poor Decision-Making

In the fog of depression, an emotional affair can seem harmless and inconsequential. But in the long run, it can do irreparable damage to your relationship. Depression can cloud your judgment and impair your decision-making skills. Over time, it could even lead to a breakup or divorce. Depression can make it difficult to think about the realistic long-term consequences of such a choice.

Reluctant To Reach Out For Help

Men are not only reluctant to tell their partners that they are struggling. They can also be very hesitant to reach out to a therapist for professional support. Instead, an emotional affair can be a safe outlet. Their affair partner might function as a pseudo-therapist. This might “justify” the relationship in their mind.

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Are you and your partner struggling with the fallout of an emotional affair? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.