How to stick with your boundaries around family?
Continuing our conversation around the holidays and family time, we want to start thinking about how we can stick to our boundaries with our families. This starts with understanding what our needs/boundaries are, how to communicate them, and ways we can stick to them.
How do you deal with difficult family members during the holidays?
Think about what your boundaries are, in other words, what are your needs and how can you communicate them to your family?
Some things to consider when setting personal boundaries with family:
How much time do you want to spend with your family?
How would you like to feel around your family?
What would you like to talk about with your family?
What would you like to keep private from your family?
Would you like to ask for help from your family?
How have you stood up for yourself in your family relationships? Is this how you want to continue standing up for yourself?
How would you like to stand up for yourself, if you choose to, around your family?
How would you like to say no to your family?
What do your typical interactions with your family look like?
2. Practice how to set your boundaries
You can do this by practicing how to say no and making a list of what your boundaries are.
What are some examples of family boundaries?
“I am going to spend X amount of days at my parents place for the holidays. I will say no if they ask me to extend my visit.”
“I am not sharing my political views with my family members during the holidays.”
3. Believe your needs are important
Remind yourself that boundaries help you to be a better you in your relationship with yourself and with others in your life. Remember that you are clarifying how you’d like to be treated in relationships when you communicate your boundaries to others.
4. Reality check your expectations
Boundaries are oftentimes put in place to prevent negative or unhealthy patterns in relationships. The patterns tend to hold weight in how long they’ve been at play so it’s going to be the most challenging at the start of breaking these patterns. As you stick to your boundaries overtime, it gets significantly easier to own them and understand them for yourself and for others.
5. Be gentle with yourself.
It’s okay if you find yourself being flexible with your boundaries sometimes. You are allowed to change your mind and sometimes that means changing your boundaries.
An example of this could be- a few years ago you did not want to share information about your mental health to your family members. But now, you’d like to open up those conversations and share your experience with your family.
Or- you set the boundary of not talking about (insert topic here) with your family and you end up having a heated argument about (insert topic here).
Boundaries take time to learn about.
6. Be assertive about your needs to yourself and to others.
You can tell your family ahead of your visit about your boundaries.
You can remind them when you are with them.
7. Remember that you are in charge of your own time, space, and energy.
You are allowed to say no, pause, or leave situations that feel unsafe.
If you want to understand your family dynamics better and set those boundaries, reach out today!