How to Raise Kids Without Gender Expectations
What is the difference between sex and gender?
Before exploring ways to create a more gender free environment for children, we need to understand the difference between gender and sex. Sex is based on characteristics such as chromosomes and appearance of genitalia, often limited to an individual's biology and is more about physical and genetic characteristics. There are three known sexes: male, female, intersex. Gender, on the other hand, is more cultural, behavioral and mental, and can be fluid based on cultural background and can broken down to gender expression or gender identity, often identified by pronouns such as he/him, she/her, they/them.
From the very minute a child is born into the world, gender expectations are present all around them in the form of the media, gender cues from their loved ones, clothing, books, etc. Some common outward-facing gender cues can include hair length, clothing, and make-up. Other gender cues can also include speech patterns, pronouns, names, jewelry, and accessories.
5 ways caregivers can help kids avoid gender stereotypes:
Make sure all adults are on the same page
It is integral that key adults in the child's life are on the same page about gender expectations, and are mindful of not saying things that are socialized as gender specific.
Let them see all the possibilities
When they are old enough to comprehend things, take time to educate them on the differences between sex and gender. Switch up gender norming roles at home.
Follow your child's lead
Children are naturally very expressive; watch for cues on how they identify themselves and display forms of acceptance. Normalize showing emotion regardless of sex or gender.
Allow for flexibility
Gender exploration is also common amongst children, therefore allow for them to have space to explore their identity. Let them play with what they want to and try not to limit toys and activites based on gender norms.
Notice your own bias
Projection is very likely in parenting, given a parent's own experience with gender identity and the way they respond to their children will be unique. Try to acknowledge how you or your spouse personally feel about gender expectations and work to unlearn what might be problematic.
Remember, children learn by example so try your best not to limit their exposure to either gender experiences or shame the ones they choose to follow. If you struggle in finding ways to support yourself or others in reference to gender expectations, gender expression and/or gender identity -- we can help.
Feel free to contact our team to support you and/or your loved ones.