Coming Out As A Queer Person of Color
As black and brown people in this country, we are familiar with feeling othered by those around us. Usually it’s based on skin color, ethnicity and race: visibly obvious differences. Another layer to feeling othered happens when queer people of color come out. In these situations, they may go from being othered as people in this country to being othered in their own culture, community and families. Sharing sensitive information about ourselves to family and friends is never easy. A cultural layer is added when we, as brown and black individuals, come out in our communities. Something our white counterparts do not have to take into consideration.
What to say when your adult child comes out to you:
Give Them Grace: acknowledge they are human and understand they are not doing this to spite you and this is just who they are.
Affirm Them: acknowledge the difficulty it may have taken for them to share with you and make sure to affirm them by using phrases like “I/we support you” and “I/we still love you”.
Communicate Next Steps: let them know you will look into educating yourself on their identity and the LGBTQIA community as a whole.
If you are an adult child coming out, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Give Them Grace: keep in mind how important cultural relevance and tradition are to your parents and family. Give them grace and time to process what you are telling them.
Offer Clarity: share as much information about you and your identity as you feel comfortable to share. Use phrases like, “I can tell you everything you need to know” or “ I don’t have all the answers”.
Set a boundary: after sharing your identity with your parent(s), it is perfectly fine to limit how much you would like to share about this part of your life.
End the conversation: in some situations, coming out in that exact moment may result in conflict. If that happens, it may be safer to end the conversation and revisit it at a later date.
Remember to always take the space you need to reflect.
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