How to overcome guilt as a parent?
Parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs and countless moments of self-reflection and scrutiny. Many parents struggle with feelings of guilt and shame, often feeling like they are failing their children in some way. These emotions can be incredibly powerful and, if left unaddressed, can impact not only your mental health but also your relationship with your children. There are ways to help you work through guilt and shame as you parent.
Understanding Parental Guilt and Shame
Guilt is feeling responsible for causing harm whether it was an action or words exchanged. When it comes to parenting, guilt shows up as feeling like you are not doing enough for your kids or regretting how you treated them in a frustrating situation.
Shame is a deeper feeling of being inherently flawed or unworthy at the core. Shame makes us believe things about our character, not just actions and choices. Parents might feel shame when they think they are not meeting societal expectations of what it means to be a “good parent”.
Common Sources of Parental Guilt and Shame
Unrealistic Expectations when it comes to parenting
Dwelling on past mistakes when parenting
Comparing yourself to other parents
Juggling multiple roles (parent, worker, spouse, etc)
How to work through guilt and shame
Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings- It is normal to feel guilt and shame
Reflect on the Source- where is the guilt and shame coming from? Are you comparing yourself to others? Is it societal expectations?
Practice Self-Compassion-this is a hard one but self compassion goes a long way. If we can be kind to ourselves, we also model that for our children.
Reframe Negative Thoughts- move away from extreme or black and white thinking. You can be upset about something you did or not like the way you handled something but don’t let that action dictate the rest of your day or how you see yourself as a person.
Seek Support- make friends with other parents to find community
Learn and Grow- past mistakes are a good way to self reflect on how you want to do things differently moving forward.
Set Realistic Expectations- think about what are realistic expectations for YOU and your children.
Focus on Connection- focus on building a strong connection with your children, that is the most important part of parenting.
Practice Forgiveness- just like self compassion, we must extend ourselves grace and forgiveness when we mess up.
Conclusion
Working through feelings of guilt and shame as a parent is a process that requires self-reflection, compassion, and support. Every parent makes mistakes; what is important is how you treat yourself after. If you meet yourself with compassion, you and your children will benefit. Want more support? Schedule a free 15 phone consultation today.