How to Deal with Sex Avoidance?
What if I am avoiding sex with my partner?
If you ever thought this, you are not alone. Couples go through seasons in their relationship and the frequency of sex and physical intimacy depends on so many factors. Let’s get into it:
Common reasons people avoid sex in relationships:
Mental exhaustion, stress, work/life balance
If you are the person who essentially makes your household run or both partners are constantly on the go making the household run, it is completely understandable that sex is the last thing on your mind. Stress impacts the mind and body in a number of ways and it is important to meet ourselves with compassion when having conversations with our partners about this topic.
Changes in body or health
If you recently had a baby or are breastfeeding or experiencing other life changes, these changes will certainly impact your desire for sex.
Viewing sex as an obligation rather than a pleasurable experience
If you feel that your needs are not getting met or are not as important during sex, you will understandably want to avoid sex. Our nervous systems are very in tune and sensitive and recognizes when something does not feel safe.
Mismatch in desire
Some people have spontaneous desire and some people have responsive desire. If there is no conversation or even awareness about the differences in desire, this can lead to avoidance. Read more about sexual desire here.
Unresolved conflict between partners
If there is built up resentment between partners, it will be difficult to foster intimacy. Unresolved conflict feels uncomfortable and often makes people want to withdraw from each other.
The good news is you can work on these issues in therapy! If you allow yourselves to be vulnerable and ask questions rather than be critical of each other and shut down, this will allow intimacy to grow and feel safe again. Life happens and sometimes we have to adjust based on what season we are in but the most important thing to remember is communication is key. It is ok to name that you are avoiding sex; it normalizes the feeling and who knows, your partner could be feeling the exact same way!
Read more about sex therapy and how it can help couples.
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