5 Tools for Repairing a Sexless Marriage

When you and your spouse got together, you were deeply attracted to each other. It was easy to assume that nothing could snuff out your spark. But years later, it feels like the fire has gone out. Maybe you haven’t been intimate in quite a while, and it’s affecting your mental health. You know that your spouse is upset about the situation, too. Yet you don’t know how to fix it. You wish that you could simply feel the way you used to—however, deep down, you know that something needs to change in your relationship before you can have a healthy sex life again. Here are a few tips to help you and your spouse repair a sexless marriage.

1. Be Affectionate

Intimacy isn’t just about sex. When you and your spouse are genuinely affectionate with each other outside of the bedroom, it can help break down the walls that have gone up between you. Affectionate touch is a crucial aspect of intimacy, and allowing yourselves to be affectionate can help you relax around each other again.

2. Reduce Your Stress Levels

Stress can drastically reduce your libido. During the early days of your relationship, you and your spouse might have had far more time for each other. Now, you may be dealing with the stress of working full-time jobs, caring for children or elderly parents, paying bills, maintaining a home that you own, and more.

Perhaps the lack of intimacy in your relationship is really rooted in a lack of time for each other. Check in with your spouse about how you can better divide up domestic chores and responsibilities—if you have older children, you may even be able to have them help out more around the house. This could be a good time to re-evaluate some of your time commitments and decide if you’d like to take a step back from some of them so that you can enjoy each other’s company.

3. Plan Regular Date Nights

Has it been a while since your last date night? Many people stop “dating” each other after they get married—but dates aren’t just for young couples! It’s time to bring regular date nights back into your routine. Pick one night each week, or even each month, just for each other, and plan an activity. It doesn’t have to take long or cost much money. As long as you’re focused on each other, it’s a date night.

4. Work Out Together

Working out with your partner can actually help you revive your sex life. Exercise boosts your endorphins, and these feel-good chemicals can help increase your libido. Choose a form of exercise that you’d both like to try, and make time for a couple of weekly workouts. You don’t have to go to the gym—you could go running in your neighborhood or follow along with exercise videos at home!

5. Consider Therapy

Perhaps you and your spouse have been trying to rekindle your connection for months or even years, but for some reason, you’re still falling short of what you really want. It’s okay to reach out and ask for help. Working with a therapist can help you get an outside perspective on your relationship. Your therapist may be able to point out issues that you and your partner wouldn’t have noticed on your own. Furthermore, they can teach you evidence-based techniques for fostering a stronger connection and revitalizing your sex life.

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Are you and your spouse struggling to fix your sexless marriage? Working with a couples therapist can help. Contact us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.