What is your Roman Empire?
What is your #romanempire is a trend that started on TikTok around September. It started with, typically, wives/girlfriends asking their male partners how often they would think about the Roman Empire. Surprisingly, their answers would range from multiple times per day to a few times per month. The trend evolved to TikTok creators answering the question: “What is your Roman Empire?” In other words, what is something that you think about often? Answers to this question varied with some creators naming a specific movie scene all the way to talking about a deep, philosophical truth.
Although as therapists we can’t fully explain the science behind this interesting phenomenon, we can attempt to translate this concept into our world of mental health. When I hear the question, “What is your Roman Empire?”, I hear “What is a core belief/ truth that you ruminate on often?” Core beliefs are central ideas about the world, themselves, and others that a person strongly adheres to. Core beliefs build up the foundation that influences how we show up in the world. Given how powerful our core beliefs are, whether they are harmful or rational, core beliefs impact how we react to different situations. For example, let’s say you texted your friend asking to hang out this week. However, after several hours, your friend responded to you telling you that they won’t be available to hang out this week. Whether your core beliefs are harmful or rational, will predict how you will react to your friend’s text:
If your core belief is harmful:
Example: “No one around me likes me.”
The action the belief will lead to: Feeling shameful and no longer reaching out to that friend to initiate making plans.
If your core belief is rational:
Example: “I have friends who love spending time with me.”
The action the belief will lead to: Responding by suggesting meeting up at a time when you are both available.
What you believe about yourself, others, and the world around you influence how you react to disappointing events. Having harmful beliefs can lead to mental health problems such as social anxiety, depression, substance abuse, emotional dysregulation, and low self-esteem. Having harmful beliefs will also eventually lead to interpersonal problems such as:
Lack of trust in others
Feeling inferior to others
Excessive jealousy and/or possessiveness
Becoming overly confrontational / aggressive
Contempt towards others
Putting other’s needs above your own
Loneliness
Core beliefs are learned and formed during early childhood. They are influenced by interpersonal relationships and significant events (traumatic or lack thereof). Though core beliefs can feel set in stone, they can be changed into healthy, rational ones. The key to unlearning harmful beliefs and taking on new ones is recognizing your harmful core beliefs, creating new ones to replace them, and repeating them. To make it this process more practical, we’ve broken it down into simple steps:
First, start off by journaling after a disappointing or stressful event. We recommend going to a quiet, secluded place with a notebook. Freely write out all of your thoughts and feelings onto paper.
2. Step away from your journal entry for some time and come back to reflect on it. Look through your entry and summarize any themes of beliefs you notice. Try to frame them with this sentence: “I believe _____________.”
3. Create a list of any harmful beliefs you noticed and next to them write rational core beliefs that challenge them.
4. For each of these rational core beliefs, jot down evidence that help support these beliefs.
5. Finally, turn these new core beliefs into affirmations and practice saying them to yourself repeatedly. Repetition is key. The more you keep affirming these beliefs, the more your brain will register them as truth!
Our core beliefs play such a crucial role in how we show up in our world. Hence, it’s all the more important to repeat the healthy ones and remind ourselves of them often. The next time you’re asked, “What’s your Roman Empire?” We hope that you’ll answer with fundamental truths that encourage you to believe that you are safe & loved by those around you. If you would like more in-depth guidance in changing your harmful core beliefs, seek out therapy with one of our therapists from Space to Reflect!